Ringwraith's Diary
by PartingGrace
Summary: A (hopefully) humurous parody of LOTR as told through the diary of Nazgul #4 and his trusty steed Binky.
1. An Epic Quest Of Epicness

Ringwraith's Diary by Nazgul #4

3018, April 2

Dear Diary,

The Boss has sent us on a mission. It's about time we had one, I was getting pretty bored staying in Mordor. The only thing to do is smite some orcs, but The Boss doesn't like it when I do that. This makes them pretty disrespectful, in fact the other day; the general told me that The Boss's bed sheets make very bad armour. He even attacked me to prove his point! Can you believe it?

The Boss gave us all horsies to ride on. We have to find some guy called Barrins or something like that in this place called The Mire. It's something like that anyways… The boss didn't give us any directions, but WK says that we will manage just fine.

I am very fond of horsies, before The Boss made me his minion I used to ride them a lot. I think I did, my memories before being turned into His Most Evilest Minion Of Evilness are pretty hazy… All our horsies look the same, they're black and they're covered with these weird spiky things. As far as I can tell these spiky things don't do anything but poke me. It's quite painful, especially when my horse gallops. I don't like my horse that much. I have never liked the colour black, but when I asked The Boss for a white horse instead, or maybe an even tempered mare with a nice chestnut colour he glared at me. He doesn't do much but glare nowadays. The other Nazgul's even laughed at me! Can you believe it?

We are going to set out on our journey tomorrow. At least The Boss lets us have enough time to pack our bags, but we don't have many things to bring with us. I mean, we're Nazgul, so we don't need food. There's no point in setting a fire at night because we scare the living shit out of everything (even our horses don't like us! When I first tried to mount mine it tried to kick me through the wall!), and there's no point in looking for maps or anything because there aren't any here. I tried to enter WK's room to ask about maybe getting a new mount for me on the way, but he got all grumpy so I had to leave.

The only things that aren't scared of us are these weird 'fell beasts' that The Boss made, and that probably doesn't count because those things scare the living shit out of me! Have you seen their teeth!

I should get some sleep; after all I have An Epic Quest to go on tomorrow. Wish me luck!


	2. Our Horsies And What We Did With Them

3018, April 4

Dear Diary,

We are still in the middle of Mordor. We have asked for directions to The Nire, but none of the orcs know the way. WK says he knows where we're going though I don't think he really knows. Especially as he's the one who asked for directions…

We had a brief mix-up with the horsies. We mounted and started riding today and Nazgul #7 told me that I was riding his horse. WK said that it didn't matter because they're all the same anyways so Nazgul #7 shut up. Then I started to get really nervous. My horsie has been attacking me and trying to run away less often, so I think he likes me, but Nazgul #7's horse doesn't know me and he could trample me or something! Luckily I managed to locate my horse and leap onto it. If I do that stunt again I should probably remember that:

WK doesn't like people jumping on the horse that he's riding.

The horse doesn't like it that much either.

It's a good way to cause the horses to panic and make us all crash into each other.

Nobody like's that much! It's hard to look all Dignified And Evil when you're lying in the dust in a tangled heap of black dresses and pointy useless bits of horse armour.

Then we had a big argument over whose horse was whose. In the end, we got it all straightened out (Nazgul #2 thinks he's riding Nazgul #6's horse, but I know that #2 is riding his own horse because #2's horse is the only one with green eyes. The rest of our horses have red eyes. The Boss said he was sorry about that, but you know, these things happen. The Boss also said that if anyone complained about the horses again he would throw us into the volcano, but I probably shouldn't mention that to WK. He is very sensitive about being thrown into fiery pits of doom and that kind of stuff).

WK said that we should all name our horsies to prevent this from happening again so we spent the rest of the day thinking of names for our horsies. WK named his horsie Defiler and Nazgul #9 named his horsie Render. I am having trouble thinking of a name for my horsie. It needs to be dignified and something original.

Today I learned that Nazgul #8 isn't very creative. He named his horsie Bob. WK said that that wasn't a proper name for A Mount Of Unquestionable Evil, but I think it's a great name!

Nothing else happened today. I can't wait to get out of Mordor, the landscape is all the same here. It's all rocky and barren. I suggested to The Boss that we should grow some plants here or something one time, but he just glared. He does a lot of that.

**A/N: If you have any ideas for this parody, just pm me! What name should Nazgul #4's trusty steed be named?**


End file.
